Mind your own business
The importance of listening
Just recently I did some work with a company and was asked
to accompany one of the sales people on a call. We were going
to be meeting a new client and my role was passive, just being
there to observe the call.
During the two hour meeting the sales person was very nice,
polite and chatty. She told the prospect all about the product,
how it could be used and I expect that the prospect was much
better informed after the meeting. But I’m not sure
if the sales person knew much about the prospect because she
must have done at least 80% of the talking.
This appears to be a common scenario-listening is often an
underrated and under practiced skill. A report stated that
fathers spend an average of seven minutes per week listening
to their children. Spouses spend about twenty six minutes
per week in meaningful conversation with one another. But
surely if we are to truly understand people we need to listen
to them?
As a generalisation the 20/80 rule should apply to first
meetings in business situations but in the opposite direction
to the call I went on. The client is listened to for 80% of
the time.
Why is this so important?
Quite simply to truly understand another person and their
needs, wants and desires we need to enter their world and
we do this by listening. We all have a deep longing to be
heard and to be listened to, like we are the only person alive
at that moment, is an incredible experience. The famous psychologist,
Carl Rogers, said that ‘listening is the greatest tool
we have for releasing human potential in others’. Most
of the time people only half listen because they are still
inside their own heads thinking of what to say next or getting
ready to cut in, but truly listening achieves several things:
• It builds trust and rapport and don’t we respond
positively to people we like and trust?
• As you listen to another person it helps them to
clarify and articulate their ideas. I once worked with a businessman
who thought many of his clients were ‘stupid’
because when they came to him they sometimes weren’t
clear about what they wanted. The true professional understands
that people often need help and that listening opens the doors
of people’s minds.
• It shows you care. Perhaps the most caring thing
you can do for another person is to give them your undivided
attention.
• It makes you different. By paying attention you’ll
stand out from the crowd and as such you ability to positively
influence will go up.
• You’ll really learn about another person and
will, therefore, be in a far better position to offer the
best solutions to their problems.
• It actually saves time because people open up more
when being listened to and you quickly get to the heart of
the issues. When you really listen to another person it cuts
out the perceived need for rapport building by chit chat and
looking for the common ground.
Just for one day hold it in your thoughts to be a better
listener. Really allow people to open up. Give them more time.
As well as listening with your ears use your eyes. Keep your
mind clear as you listen. Be absorbed. Allow some silence
when they stop talking because as you do this they will often
begin to talk again-and it might just be the most valuable
thing they say and you hear all day.
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