Well, I don’t agree!

 I think there’s an easier way. Think about when you’re at your very best. When you’re truly alive and full of vibrant energy. When instead of chasing what you want it comes to you. When you feel optimistic, inspired and problems are just things you take in your stride. Every one of us has these moments but how come only a few people seem to get consistency?

Over the years I’ve observed people I’ve come to the conclusion that many people live at the level of what I call ‘no control’. They place responsibility of their lives on external events believing it’s the world that affects them. For some people I’m sure this is fine but for many it seems to rob them of their power and energy because they don’t believe they have the ability to influence.

A certain number of people experience a shift upwards in their awareness and move to a level that I call ‘in control’. They realise that, in fact, they can make a difference and because of this they are much more focused upon what they want. They know they can get results and their belief is ‘I affect the world’. Some of these people can be very high achievers.

A smaller number of people move to an even higher level of awareness or ‘consciousness’ where an extraordinary shift seems to take place. This is the level that I call ‘release control’. At this level there are all the benefits, and more, of being ‘in control’ but with a massive difference. It all becomes far, far easier. You stop having to push and you get ‘in the flow’. This is the level people cease to be ego dominated and move into spirit – they become truly inspired.

We all start at square one. At ‘no control’. The majority seem to more or less stay there but all levels are open to anyone. But how?

To move from ‘no control’ to ‘in control’ you have to give up blame and take responsibility. This is a massive shift. You begin to take charge of your life including your health, your emotions, your circumstances, your relationships, and in fact, all areas of your life. It ceases to be the fault of circumstances, others, and even yourself because you are now fully in charge.

To move from ‘in control’ to ‘release control’ you have to give up the need to control. This is another massive shift. What this means is that once you’ve set your course you let go. You trust and operate from a belief system that ‘everything happens for a reason’. Is this hard to do? Yes extremely, but what I do know is that this is the place where we are truly at our very best. The place where we resonate with the world. Where we accomplish without effort and move through life with grace, confidence and with an increasing absence of fear.

What struck me was the commitment to growth and excellence of each person there. Every single one owned a business and had a great deal of responsibility. Yet they all had managed to take the best part of a week out, foregone a weeks money, travelled far to get there and happily paid for the training and accommodation. Why? They all understand the importance of investing in themselves.

Many years ago I had the privilege of hearing a speech by Frank Dick O.B.E. Frank is a legend in sports coaching and has worked with many successful athletes including Daley Thompson, Boris Becker and the UK athletics team.

Frank said “there are two kinds of people in my world, valley people and mountain people. Valley people seek the calm and comfortable ground of shelter, safety, and security. Mountain people have decided that valley life is not for them, and seek to test ambition on the toughest climbs”.

Mountain people invest in themselves. They want to push their own personal limits and explore what’s really possible. They take the long term view and are prepared to make sacrifices today for a bigger gain tomorrow. They take calculated risks knowing that to continue to be successful you’ve got to push the boundaries and do what most others aren’t prepared to do.

If we forego the opportunity to invest in ourselves we’ll most likely pay a heavy price. Treading water is not an option, if you want to thrive. The business world moves fast and if we’re not updating our knowledge, skills, and staying enthusiastic then its easy to get left behind.

The coaching profession has emerged and grown from this need. Years ago, when the pace of change was much slower coaching wasn’t regarded as a need because there simply weren’t the demands that exist today. Now many successful people work with a coach because it gives them the edge and helps them to stay focused and productive whilst maintaining a balanced life.

In most popular sports you wouldn’t imagine a top player without a coach, or more probably, a coaching team. Yet many business people attempt to build success all on their own and fail to reach their full potential.

How much time, each week, do you invest in improving your skills, thinking strategically and building a better business?

The number one reason why many people don’t get all they want in life is because they never truly decide, with precision, what to aim for and make it an absolute must.

Most of us have an idea of what we want (or don’t want!), whether that be more money, a better business, to be fitter or have a better relationship for example. But unless we become very precise with what we’re aiming at then our chances of realising our desired outcomes decrease enormously.

One of the most powerful coaching processes is helping someone create clarity about what they want. Seeing is believing as they say. This means focusing on your future outcome or goal and fully associating into it. Being able to really see it, feel it, and know it as though it’s already happening now sets the direction and begins to process your goal.

Even if it was a long time ago do you remember taking an exam? Maybe at school? One thing about exams is that, very often, you knew a long time in advance the precise date and time it would take place. Maybe you’d even had years to study and prepare.

Although many of us wouldn’t want to back to those days there is something very important you can learn from that process. It’s the way the date and time are set in stone. There’s no saying “I think I’ll do it in a couple of months” because it wasn’t an option. You have to gear your plans, your energy and resources towards a known point in time.

 What if you treated your own most important goals with a fixed deadline? 

By focusing on the future with clarity and precision, you create some internal pressure because there’s a clear path of time towards your goal.

Another important aspect of creating clarity is to state it in the positive. Instead of wanting to ‘lose’ or ‘get away’ from something it’s far more powerful to focus on what you will gain as a result. When we focus on something negative, like “I don’t want to be over-weight”, it tends to attract more of what we don’t want because that’s the picture we have in our minds.

I often ask people, when they state what they want, ‘how will you know when you’ve got it?’ or ‘what’s your evidence?’ If you want to get rich, what precisely is ‘rich?’ If you want to be fit then ‘how will you know if you’re fit?’ If you haven’t decided how to measure it, precisely, you’ll always be aiming for a moving target. And that can be very frustrating..

By creating a clear sensory based representation of what you want and deciding upon the evidence you need, the percentages begin swing in your favour. So what else will add power?

Think about ecology. In considering what you want, will it truly be worth the output? Are all the things that you’ll contribute in terms of time, effort, money, and emotions worth the end result? If you have aspects of your outcome that are potential friction points then it can hold you back.

Finally, are you fully responsible for your goals? We can only be fully responsible for how we choose to feel and behave. Of course, other people may need to be involved but at all times we have to retain a sense of responsibility towards the outcomes that we want.

The secret of clarity is having all parts of you aligned towards your outcome. When all parts of you want the same thing and are pulling in the same direction it’s amazing how much you can accomplish.

A creative director of an advertising agency was walking by and saw that the blind man had only a few coins in his hat. Before dropping in some more coins he took the sign and added a few words. He then put it back and went on his way.

Later that day, as the man came back past, he stopped and noticed that the hat was now full of coins and notes. The blind man started speaking to the man, saying how delighted he was that people had been so generous.

The man then admitted he had changed the sign earlier that day and so the blind man asked what he had written.He said that he had just added a little to what was already there, which seemed to make all the difference.

The sign had been changed to: It is springtime and I am blind. 

Words matter. What we say matters. The way we say it matters.

With our words we paint pictures. We invoke emotions. Those pictures and emotions will vary enormously depending on what we say, how we say it and the frames we use.

To be more creative in your communication you can tell stories, use metaphors and analogies, which often speak to people’s unconscious minds because their conscious mind is focusing on the story and not on the underlying meaning.

At times you can be very precise with what you say and at other times you can be artfully vague – a technique that’s widely used in hypnotic and persuasive language patterns.

Being vague allows people to fill in their own meanings to what they hear – as Sister Mary discovered.

Sister Mary was enjoying her daily bath when there was a knock at the door.

“Who is it?” she asked.

“It’s John the blind man. I need to come in.”

Being a little lazy and seeming as he wasn’t going to see anything anyway Sister Mary said “ok, you can come in”.

The door opened and John the blind man came in. 

As he walked past Sister Mary, still in the bath, he said “lovely rosary beads Sister, now where would you like me to hang the blinds?”

Certainly, as a coach I encourage my clients to set goals and get more focused on what it is they want to accomplish.
But, at the same time, we have to be careful of becoming over-dependent upon targets or allowing them to become all consuming. Letting this happen can cloud our better judgement and lead to all kinds of undesirable outcomes.
For example, isn’t the current economic situation partly down to the goals of individual businesses and people becoming more important than basic human values we all share?

Don’t we see huge numbers of people suffering the effects of stress because of their perception that they are failing in their quests?

Several years ago I read a book by Marianne Williamson called ‘A return to love”. I’ve since been to see Marianne as a speaker and she talks a lot of sense.

In her book Marianne says “Success means we go to sleep at night knowing that our talents and abilities were used in a way that serves others.”

I like this definition and it reminds me of a Tiger Woods quote I once read, “I get to play golf for a living. What more can you ask for – getting paid for doing what you love”.

For goals to be effective they must:
Be set high but still realistic
Be inspiring
Reflect your values
Help you do more of what you love

Speaking to many business people, as I do, one thing that people are telling me is that many of the business goals they set last year are simply unrealistic in the present climate. If this is the case then it’s time to adjust them.
Goals are there to inspire, energise and focus people in a positive way but as soon as they begin to become a burden and drain energy then they have ceased to serve their purpose.

Don’t allow external forces to drain your energy. Instead take control and focus on what makes you feel good.

I’m referring to the kind of situation where one part of us seems to want one thing but another part of us seems to be holding back and causing doubt. It could be in any context of our lives, business or personal.

Wouldn’t it be useful to have a way of more quickly solving these kinds of situations and having all our energy flowing toward our chosen outcome?

I’ve found, both personally and when coaching people, that when we are aligned in this way we find ourselves totally in the zone and there is almost no limit to what we can accomplish.

Let me share a recent experience with you.

A client came to me with a challenge that she had labelled a ‘conflict’ and although the content is specific to her, I’ll share it with you to set the scene.

My client had applied for a new job, which if she got it, would be a significant step up from her current role. Her ‘conflict’ was that she liked her present job, was comfortable in it and didn’t know if she really wanted to change.
We talked about the issue and it emerged that she was experiencing some self-doubt about whether she could handle the new role. There were other applicants too and she was comparing herself to them and having thoughts about not being good enough.

What I asked her to do was place her hands in her lap with her palms up. In one hand I asked her to place one side of the conflict and in the other hand she placed the other side of the conflict. We gave each side a label.
I then began asking questions about each side of the conflict.

What was important to each side? What was the intent of each side? What does each side really want? This process is about ‘chunking up’, which opens up more choices, where before there was the perception of none.

After a while of exploring these questions she began to talk about the importance of being balanced and I noticed, at one point, she started to move one hand over the other and shortly after this she clasped both hands together (which, by the way, she was consciously unaware of).

I said “have you noticed your hands?”
She looked at them and gasped, “THAT’S AMAZING!”
I said “what, no more conflict?”
She replied “no, we’re done. I feel fine about it all now!”

After this we talked a little about balance and needing both sides, which are in fact complimentary to each other – the Yin and the Yang. She had now just let go and was completely happy to let events take their natural course.

So what happened? In any conflict the way forward is to find the common ground. All the time our focus is on differences a solution will be difficult, if not impossible, to find.

Often, the common ground is found at the level of values, purpose or spirit. By asking each side “what’s important” and similar questions it causes us to search for the deeper meaning. At some level, even in the seemingly worse conflicts, there is always common ground because, ultimately we are one and not separate.

The reason I asked her to put each side of the ‘conflict’ in her hands was so she became disassociated from the conflict. This enabled her to be more objective rather than too emotionally involved. It separated the person from the conflict, so to speak.

In solving any conflicts of our own we can use the same principles:
• Pre-suppose there is a positive intention in all behaviour.
• Disassociate from the conflict – give each side a label.
• Find out what stops a resolution being made.
• Search for the common ground – ‘chunk up’ until both sides align.
• Test the outcome when a resolution is found.

This is a short piece and because the detail is limited it may appear over-simplified. But by following the steps outlined it is often possible to resolve conflict remarkably quickly. 

P.S. – She got the job.

I remember a saying I heard a few years ago which stuck in my mind:
• If you have talent and energy you’ll be a king
• If you have energy but no talent you’ll be a prince
• but if you have talent but no energy you’ll be a pauper

So many aspects of modern living seem to sap our natural energy that in order to stay feeling vibrant and truly alive we have to pay attention to certain critical areas.

Diet

It’s a well used saying but you are what you eat. The standard English or American diet is far from a healthy one. The biggest single user of our energy is digestion and something like a full English breakfast or traditional roast dinner can take up to nine hours to digest! No wonder so many people need to have a lie down afterwards!

The healthiest diet contains upwards of 50% of water based foods i.e. fresh fruit and vegetables. A large green salad with every meal and cutting out or at least down on caffeine, meat, dairy, sugar and snacks will make a huge difference.

I recently went through a month long intestinal cleanse and experienced significantly increased energy levels and felt amazing afterwards. If you eat a cooked diet you will have lots of horrible gunge (mucoid layers) in your intestines, which can hinder your digestion as well as being a long-term health risk. A cleanse will help you begin to eliminate these.

Exercise

A lack of exercise contributes to a lack of energy. To build health and energy you need to train aerobically because this is supplies your body with oxygen. Your lungs, heart, digestion, and elimination system will all work better when you are fit.

Research has shown that if you exercise on a regular basis for 12 months, you will do it for life. Put at least three exercise sessions per week into your schedule and stick to them. 

Breathing

Our lungs are bigger at the bottom than the top and to get the right intake of oxygen we need to breathe from our diaphragm. Shallow ‘chest’ breathing is common and can lead to all sorts of complaints including a lack of energy.

Try power breathing 3 times a day. Inhale of the count of one, hold for the count of 4, and exhale for the count of 2. For example, if you inhaled for 4 seconds, then hold for 16 seconds and exhale for 8 seconds. Do this ten times.

A word of warning. This can make you go very dizzy because of the surge of oxygen to your brain so don’t do it if you’re driving (I’ve made that mistake!).

A balanced life

To rejuvenate and renew your energy reserves a balanced life is essential. When we work too much or too hard it reduces our energy and we achieve less. The most successful people I know actually take the most time off and lead very balanced lives.

Balance doesn’t seem to happen naturally for most people so it’s something we have to work at and pay attention to.

Emotions

Negative emotions drain us of energy and people who live mostly in states of worry, anxiety or, in fact, any form of fear will find it difficult to feel motivated or inspired about life.

On the other hand a life lived with a powerful sense of purpose, and with a happy, cheerful and optimistic outlook, will do amazing things for your energy levels.
 
These are just a few of the many things you can focus on to gain more energy. I expect most people could find ways to improve in one or more of these areas. If you had to pick just one and take some immediate action, which would it be and what would you do? Is there any good reason you cannot get started right away?

The problem with labelling something as having ‘failed’ is that it means it’s the end of a process. In other words it’s over. It also begins to build a belief of being incapable and if you look at something in that kind of way do you think you’ll feel more or less motivated?

Marketing expert Jay Conrad Levinson says even the word ‘failure’ is a turn off and should be avoided in marketing materials because it causes people to lose interest.

The truth is that the most worthwhile things we can ever accomplish are often the result of trial and error, aren’t they? Therefore, we sometimes need to look at things a little differently.

In ‘The Master Strategist’ by Ketan J Patel, he says “The attitude of the strategist is that there is no such thing as failure, there is only the situation and the lesson.”

Albert Einstein said “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”

I read an interview with William Hague, who said “As you get older, there’s no such thing as total success or total failure in life.”

When you focus on failure you feel the pain. So instead of framing something as a ‘failure’, doesn’t treating it as ‘feedback’ seem far more useful?

What if we were to think of our mis-takes as simply learning in progress – as just one step among many?

Let me share a story with you. Several years ago someone I know very well was asked to help set up a business. Over a period of about five years this business grew to employ over fifty people and became very profitable.

My friend, along with a colleague, arranged a meeting with the owner, to review their remuneration package to reflect their considerable input into the success of this business. At this meeting, they were told to their absolute surprise and total shock, that the company was in the process of being sold. Worse still, there was no reward for their hard work. Obviously, they were not happy but what should they do?

Part of the terms of the sale was that there would be no significant changes to the business. So my friend and his colleague thought about what they should do and went back to the owner. They said they would be happy to oversee the transition to the new owners and keep things on an even keel but only on the basis that they worked just one day a week for the next year! The owner had to agree because otherwise it would jeopardise the sale (which, by the way, was for several million pounds).

They then gave themselves one year to start and make a success of their own business but this time to be totally in control.

Over the following year they tried several ideas and some did alright and some didn’t. But they ended up having one success. And what a success it was because after only five years they sold this business for over one hundred million pounds! They created incredible wealth. Significantly they made massively more than the owner of the previous business had received.

There was, of course, a slice of luck involved but the reason this happened was because they never lost sight of the larger outcome, which was to build a successful business and receive the appropriate rewards. They never once said “I failed”. Instead they quickly got over their unwelcome surprise and moved on. The secret of success is not what happens to you in life but how you choose to deal with it.

When times are tough and uncertain one of the most important qualities that will get you through is self-confidence. Have you noticed that people who feel confident about themselves and the future seem to get so much more out of life? Is accessing your own inner confidence more easily and often something you would like to do?
 
I’ve heard it said before that a lack of self-confidence is the basis of all under-achievement. Often, a lack of self-confidence causes people to doubt themselves, which results in a pessimistic outlook on life. When you access those feelings of confidence and self-assurance it becomes far easier to look to the future with optimism and enjoy life in the present, doesn’t it?

When it comes to your goals, a strong belief that you can, and will accomplish them will make all the difference.
Before we talk more about how to feel more confident let’s get clear on what the rewards are. I don’t know specifically what it is that you desire but the kind of outcomes that many people enjoy could be:

More success in your career or business
More money
A healthier immune system
Feeling enthusiastic
Being Happier and more fulfilled
Better relationships
Greater willingness to try new things

What are some of the ways that greater self-confidence would make a huge difference in your life? What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?

Self confidence is for anyone
While there’s no doubt that some people seem to have natural self confidence in abundance it’s something that can be both learned and earned through approaching life in a certain way:

• It’s important to get on your own path in life and do what’s right for you. This means living in accordance with your own deepest desires, core values, and what makes you happy rather than living the expectations of other people.

• Do what you’re good at. You’re far more likely to fulfil your potential when you do what comes naturally to you and where your interest is drawn. Accept that there are some things that you’ll never be that great at and let go of the need to be good at everything.  

• Earn confidence it by overcoming challenges and obstacles. This means both internally, in your mind, and externally in the outside world. As you transcend fears, anxieties, and moments of doubt you feel good about yourself.

• Love yourself. Not in a way where you think you’re above others but by valuing yourself and your uniqueness. Stop comparing yourself to others and become entirely comfortable with who you are.

• Take action. Stop thinking too much and do something. Nothing is more motivational than getting stuck in and doing something rather then waiting for the ‘right time’ or when you ‘feel right’.

• Train your own psychology to support you by learning to interrupt and replace any negative patterning. Read books about self development and inspirational people. Listen to audios in the car or when travelling. Go to seminars to learn more. Get a coach. Do what builds your energy rather than drains it.

• Avoid taking yourself too seriously. Be able to laugh at yourself and remember that in the big picture few things are that important.

When you set a great big scary goal for yourself it can seem almost unreal. Maybe it’s doubling your income, working only a three day week, or buying the home you’ve always dreamed about. Sometimes, it can appear just so far away you can easily say to yourself “can I really do this?” or “is this really possible for me?”

But there’s a simple truth to the matter, whatever your goal and no matter how big or far away it seems. Its accomplishment will come down to the action you take on a day by day basis. You can have all the plans in the world and a sure-fire strategy to achieve your goal but it still comes down to taking action. If you don’t then you will fail.
A James Allen quote I came across said “Most beginnings are small and appear trivial and insignificant but in reality they are the most important things in life”.

The famous coach Tony Robbins says you must take massive action towards your goals. But even massive action still comes down to daily actions. One at a time. Bit by bit. Once you’ve taken one step you’re ready for the next, and the next, and the next. But you’ve got to take the steps.

If you’ve ever procrastinated then the only way out is to take action. Thinking about it won’t move you forward. If you ever feel scared then its action that will help you deal with your fear. The fear of something is far worse than the reality, especially if you dwell on it. If you ever feel overwhelmed then, ultimately, it’s taking action that will overcome the situation.

Think now of something that you really want. Something big. something that really stretches your beliefs. Something that when you get it is truly life changing and transformational. All you have to do is start taking action. Cast aside any reasons why not like “I don’t know where to begin” or “I’m not sure it’s the right time” or whatever it is that people come up with. Just get into a powerful, certain state and take consistent, determined action. That’s all you need to do. When do you begin? Right now.